The Stuff Sisters Say

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My dominant form of communication with my sister are the hundreds of text messages that we send to one another on a monthly basis. I live in the grand old city of Burnaby, BC and she lives a four/five hour drive away from me in Kamloops, BC. She has a funky work schedule and I have an odd school time table, so it’s tough to squeeze in actual conversations. I can’t say that this bothers me though. Texting means that I can talk to her all day if I really want to. Plus us texting back and forth means that in the middle of the day when I’m doing stuff, I can look at my phone and have a little giggle to myself at the shit my sister says.

Like one day I was particularly bored and browsing Reddit and I happened to come across this picture:

And I couldn’t help but giggle. You see, when my sister and I were younger and little, and when we decided not to get along, our parents would make us hold hands. Seriously, we would have to sit on the couch and hold hands until we decided to love each other again. One time, we were left on the couch holding hands that we actually fell asleep that way. For some reason I remember sleeping along the top of the sofa while my sister was passed out on the actual couch…and we were still holding hands while we slept. It might not have happened that way, but I DO remember falling asleep holding hands. We got along pretty good after that too.

Now seeing this picture, I’m glad all that we had to do was hold hands. My sister agrees. See?

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RWAR! SISTERS ANGRY!

Reading this makes me smile every time. Hence why I took a screen shot of it and why I’m blogging about it. My sister is one of the few people who has a similar stream of thought like I do and gets what I’m thinking. Plus I can talk to her about anything. And I can say things like “my butt cheese is particularly fragrant today” and she won’t be offended and she won’t give me that “THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?” look that my mom gave me when I said that to her while we played dice the other day. This is just the sort of stuff that me and my sister say and it’s perfectly ok, because at one point in our lives, we were forced to hold hands to get along and now we’re just really connected. And usually get along because it sucks having to sit still and hold hands with your sister who might or might not fart just for the heck of it.

She’s a bag and does that sometimes just so she can giggle about it. Or that might be me. You never know.

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Buckle Up For Safety, MoFo!

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Pretty much as soon as I turned 16, I got my Learner’s Permit to drive. I say “pretty much” because when I wrote the test on my actual birthday I failed the test by one answer. I mean in the real world I would have gotten a C for my answers, but they wanted higher than that so I had to return the next day to ace that thing. For those of you who live in British Columbia, remember the old “L” driver rules right? You get your “L” and you keep it for 6 months before you can write your “New” driver’s test and get an “N” license. Then after that the rules got changed.

Well…

The rules changed in October. That summer my town and lots of other places wound up on fire, burnt down or almost on fire because all the other places burnt down. They call it Fire Storm 2003. Anyway, I was able to write my “N” test in August, but well…shit was burning down, yo! So I couldn’t. Then I failed my test in September which means that I wrote and passed my “N” test in October and wound up falling under the new “New” driver rules. Which meant that I could only have one passenger at a time and some other shenanigans that I didn’t matter because I never planned to drive drunk or anything else that broke those rules.

It was the “one passenger only” rule that I broke…a lot. Part of the rule was that I could have more than one passenger if one of the passengers was a family member or they were all family or something like that, but that doesn’t really matter because I broke the rule all the time. Except for when me and my sister went cruising. After I could drive on my own it was rare for me to be driving with my parents in the car because I’m pretty sure I traumatized them into never wanting to cruise with their daughters again.

That was fine. Me and my sister loved to cruise together.

In fact when she came of age where she should have gotten her Learners Permit and didn’t I started to let her drive my car sometimes. By that I mean we’d be cruising down the highway and I’d let her steer the car for whatever reason I needed her to steer the car. And she was great at it and possibly a better driver than me despite being in the passenger seat. In fact she got so good at it that mom even let her steer sometimes when she was in the front seat.

But despite the crazed lunacy that required my sibling wingman of mayhem to drive my car that was doing 120km/h along the highway, she is not a crazy driver. In fact she is a better driver than me. She’s all about safety, responsibility and not doing incredibly stupid things like letting her sibling steer the car from the passenger seat. So much so that that yeah, I let her drive my car sometimes.

The first time I let her drive, I pulled over beside a cattle guard that was right after the paved road turned to a dirt road (letting you know that you are now on a reserve, of course) and was about 2km away from home. We switched seats and giggling my sister got behind the wheel of my silver Saturn SC1, gripped the steering wheel in both hands before looking at me with a crazed gleam in her eye and said…

“Buckle up for safety, mother fucker.”

This is where I should she that Tiffany peeled out of where we were parked and made my car go from 0 to 60 miles per hour in six seconds and crashed us in a saskatoon bush, but that’s not how it went. Instead we buckled up, I told her to check her mirrors, turn her signal light on, check her blind spots and pull out onto our old dirt road to drive us home.

She still had that crazy gleam in her eye and she giggled in glee almost the whole way home…while doing 15km/hour the entire way.

 

My Sister and Eating Hot Dogs for Me

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My younger sister and I are close. She is fifteen months younger than me and we’ve spent much of our lives convincing people that we are fraternal twins – and having people believe us when we tell them so. It’s hard not to giggle when you see peoples eyes boggle out of their heads and they ask the inevitable “You’re sisters?!” Not only do they have a hard time believing we are sisters, but they have a hard time believing we are fraternal twins. Then after looking at our innocent and very convincing faces for a few minuets, they believe us. Naturally right away we tell them we’re joking and that we’re really a year a part, but it’s still a fun game to play.

And despite not being twins, we’re close and have always been about as close as sisters can get. We’re what Tiffy and I call “connected”. I can’t tell you the number of times my sister and I have made eye contact playing basketball and have done something crazy together without talking. I don’t know what it’s like for her, but on a basketball court I’m the most aware of my sister when she’s on the court with me. We’re those creepy kids who look at each other and start giggling for not apparent reason.

We also feel each others pain. The best example of this is on weekend when I was studying for my finals and I stressed myself out so badly that I made myself sick and got this really bad pain in my right side that wouldn’t go away no matter what I did. It got so bad that my boyfriend brought me to the hospital two days in a row to get it fixed. Though the first night I only went after I talked to my parents and they told me that I had to go. That’s when my mom walked into my sisters room and found her unable to sleep because she had a really bad pain in her side for no apparent reason. My sister didn’t find it funny, but my mom did because she knew that Tiff was in pain because of me. I also need to mention that at this time my sister and I were living about 400km apart and hadn’t spoken all week.

Another time my sister hurt her knee really bad and I fell over. The same knee she had hurt had collapsed randomly on me. My knee wouldn’t quit hurting for the rest of the night despite the fact that when I fell I had been standing still in the shower.

Because of this connection Tiff and I sometimes threaten each other…

Tiffany: “Yeah! Well, well I’ll bang my head off a wall so hard you’ll be concussed too!”
Me: “I’ll punch myself in the face so hard you’ll get a bleeding nose!”
Tiffany: “Nuh uh! If I hit my head hard enough you’ll pass out too and can’t do anything!”

Other times we think about using our connective-ness for better reasons…

Me: “I’m really craving chocolate milk.”
Tiffany: “Me too! I only have milk.”
Me: “I only have chocolate milk mix! You should drink your milk and I’ll drink my mix and maybe we’ll get chocolate milk.”
Tiffany: “Then jump all around to mix it up!”

Though the best thing my sister ever tried to use our connection for was the day that I was studying for finals on SFU campus. I had a really good spot because I had an electrical outlet and I didn’t want to give that up. However, I was out of snacks and I was really hungry…

Me: “I’m really hungry.”
Tiffany: “Me too. I’m going to have hot dogos.”
Me: “Oh! I want a hot dogo too!”
Tiffany: “Well maybe if I eat hot dogos for you, you won’t be hungry.”
Me: “Maybe!”
Tiffany: “How many do you want? I’m having three for me.”
Me: “I’ll have three too!”

Thusly, my baby sister made six hot dogs. Three for me and three for her…except that she was going to eat them all. You know, because that’s what sister do for each other. Eat weird amounts of food to try and fill the other up via sisterly connection. She didn’t finish them all, but the fact that she tried was damn awesome. Though now that I look back on that time, I’m really happy she didn’t eat all of the hot dogs because she always uses way too much mustard and too much mustard gives me a tummy ache.

Day Five – The Skinny Dog

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Once a month almost every month since I started going to university when I was 18, I’ve taken a Greyhound home. My parents call it “The Skinny Dog”. Basically from September until I move back home in May, I’m on a bus going home. That was the deal that I made with my mom when I first decided to attend Simon Fraser University in Burnaby, BC rather than go to TRU which was closer to home. It was a weaning process for everyone in my family. For the first time in my life, I was away from home, my mom, my dad and my sister who I’d never been separated from for more than a week at a time. So Greyhound trips home were necessary.

Here are some of my most memorable trips to date:

  1. My very first trip home – On this trip a girl from my dorms and I had to go and scout out where to find the Greyhound and Google took us to the one in Coquitlam which is actually the harder one to get to. But once we found it, we knew where to go and what to do, so that was ok. What made this trip memorable was the fact that I’d only been gone from home for three weeks and I was already heading home. I’ll admit to being homesick, but the hardest part was being away from my sister. Growing up we’d never been apart for long and had spent the last year playing volleyball, basketball, softball and netball together so we were used to having each other around. The sad part was, I was used to my sister as a teammate and not a sister while she was used to me as a team captain…so our new rolls as sisters with a solid 400km between each other sucked. So I wound up on a bus home to watch her play in her first volleyball tournament of the season and whoa! That was a creepy trip. I fell asleep on the bus and woke up to something touching m feet. I didn’t see anything near them so I fell asleep again and woke up to the same something touching my feet and it was a gross old man who told me that I had nice feet and asked if he could just touch them a while longer. I got up and moved to a more crowded part of the bus.
  2. After I broke up with my boyfriend – This trip happened because I’d just broken up with my boyfriend and had forgotten my dorm key at home. Plus I was broken hearted and wanted my mom and dad so I got on the next bus available that was going my way. It was the 7pm bus which put me on the Greyhound during the creepy hours where only creepy people travel. I spent most of the trip curled up in my two seats and trying to sleep…until some old guy who was sitting near me saw that I looked sad and asked me why. I told him why and he opened up his arms and said “That’s too bad. Let Old Roy give you a hug.” It was creepy and I wound up staying awake for the rest of the trip home.
  3. When I got home from Mexico – I went to Mexico for a week when I was 21 and it was a freaking blast. But then I got home and realized how cold BC is when you’re used to the boiling temperatures of another country. So there I was, dark as I could possibly be, in my shorts and tank top and I had to make my way from the Vancouver Airport to the bus station in Vancouver to head home for the weekend to finish packing for school. I was cold, I kind of smelled and there was this little kid on the bus that wouldn’t stop screaming. So I started to scream back and he shut up. I think he was stunned that someone was actually reacting to his antics. He fell asleep shortly after and I still kind of smelled.
  4. Shortly after the stabbings happened on a Greyhound – This wasn’t memorable because of the trip. This was memorable because it happened just after the guy stabbed those people on the Greyhound out East. Naturally people were on edge and security was really tight. I was going home for a long weekend and had a vibrator with me. Plus I was involved with someone at the time so my shoulder bag had a number of condoms, single packaged lubricants and a pair of hand cuffs in it. My hiking bag had its normal set of clothes in it as well, but more or less the security guard got one hell of a shock when he went snooping through my bag, pulling out all of its contents and wound up dumping out my collections of condoms and lube along side my handcuffs as well as a two text books from school and my birth control. All I could do was look at him, shrug and say “What an I say? I like to be prepared.”
  5. The girl that tried to jack my swag – I was on my way home for my birthday one year (I think it was for my 22nd) and I was on a really full bus and actually wound up giving up two seats to myself so a mother and her three year old daughter could sit together. At this point I knew how to roll on the Greyhound so I had my snacks, my drinks, my pillow and a warm sweater all handy. Sadly this mom sucked as both a mom and a Greyhound traveler so she had nothing for her or her kid. We were half and hour into the trip when the kid got hungry so I shared my cookies and gave her one of my bottles of water. Then she was bored and being a brat so she screamed a lot while her mom did nothing. Eventually she got tired but couldn’t find a comfy way to sleep so I gave her my Doodle Bear “Zoodle” to use as a pillow. She kept Zoodle for the rest of the trip and when we arrived in Kamloops, she tried to keep my bear. Not only had I gone the whole trip pillowless, but now she was trying to jack one of my favorite stuffies. I was having none of it and wound up snatching my bear back much to the screaming horror of the kid. However, it didn’t end there. Mom decided to shut her kid up, the kid had to have the bear back and tried to say I was stealing her child’s toy. Or at least that was the story until I asked her why there was a penis drawn on it’s butt (A left over from a strange friend) and why kind of mother she was to let her kid have a toy like that. In the end, I got my bear back and the kid kept on screaming.