Let’s be honest here: my cooking skills are subpar at best. My kitchen skills are so bad that I am very aware of the last time I poisoned myself and the last time I started a kitchen fire accidentally. It has now been almost 3 years since I last gave myself food poisoning and almost 6 weeks since I last started a fire. While I’m genuinely hoping that a day comes where I get to say that I can’t remember when I last poisoned myself or set a fire, I doubt that day is going to happen any time soon. My kitchen life is not my best life.
My kitchen life is more like my most dangerous life and that’s ok. It keeps things exciting because you never know when the fires of hell are going to crawl out of one of my pans. But you know what? I’m slowly getting better at this cooking life.
Like I’ve stopped nearly slicing my fingers off!
Picture this: The other month I was in my kitchen cutting veggies for dinner and I’m standing there and my knife is quickly chopping a red pepper. I scoop up my pepper slices and toss them into a container. Then I slice an orange pepper quickly and toss it into the container. Then I do the same with a yellow pepper. After that I slice up a cucumber and toss that on to a plate and lay it out nicely. I now have a pile of beautifully sliced peppers for stir fry and a plate of gorgeous cucumber.
Now picture this: nothing happened.
I simply sliced all of my veggies for my dinner and nothing happened. I didn’t yelp or scream because I dropped my knife, I didn’t nick off part of a fingernail, and there weren’t any weird thunks from me accidentally slipping while slicing something and narrowly missing my fingers. I just got a bunch of nicely sliced veggies.
I mean, hot diggity damn, I felt like an adult.
So I messaged the Tinder guy I had been chatting to about it and he unmatched. I’m not sure if it was because I was excited about slicing veggies or if it was because he was trying to talk about sexy things earlier and I made jokes about boogers.
Then I made a Facebook status about it.
Then I talked to my dad about it.
I felt almost like a grown up. I was finally standing in my kitchen and felt like I could conquer the world. Like if I could have, I would have stood on my kitchen table and opened a can of beer and celebrated Stone Cold Steve Austin style. Except I didn’t have any beer and my table is an Ikea table that I put together.
And I’m assuming my furniture building skills are as suspect as my kitchen skills so I didn’t think that was the best of ideas.
Also, I just didn’t have any beer because I don’t like beer.
The point is, this moment was my most adult moment and it felt really good. I’m hoping to have more moments like these, but I haven’t felt as amazingly adult as I did then since that moment. I’m sure it’ll happen again though. I’m really good at chopping veggies and I’m starting to get better at other things like cleaning my bathtub.
What was your most adult moment?