If you know me, then you know that I spend a fair amount of my free time at the gym. It’s not a daily thing, but I’m there at least 3 days a week. I’m comfortable with the machines that I use, know where to find the weights that I like to use, and have my usual areas all picked out. I go, I warm-up, I workout, and then I stretch and leave.
Recently I’ve been feeling a bit woobly in my right ankle so I decided to add in some ankle strengthening exercises that my physio gave me last year when I destroyed my ankle. But I was being lazy so I decided to do the exercises while laying on the floor. With my eyes closed. While listening to my latest workout playlist.
I’m clearly a pro at ankle exercises with my resistance band so I don’t need to pay attention to what I’m doing because nothing has ever gone wrong in the history of rubber bands ever. Or at least, nothing has ever gone wrong for me…
Or at least nothing had gone wrong for me until the resistance band slipped and snapped me in my lady garden.
Do you know what it feels like when you get shot with a rubber band?
Imagine getting cracked in the nose with a rubber band.
Except its bigger and it just shot you in the crotch.
It was basically like an over sized sling shot had snapped me in my lady snapper.
I had been laying on my back with my leg in the air and I was flexing my ankle how my physio had showed me. I was supposed to flex my toes towards me, then away from me, then towards me, and then away. Then I was supposed to flex from right to left and left to right. Except I never got to the part where I flex my toes from the right to the left because the resistance band slipped off my heel and I got cracked in the cooter.
And it sucked. I couldn’t scream because the pain literally took my breath away and all I could do was roll onto my side and curl up into the fetal position while hoping for a quick death. It was like the first time that I got my lady garden waxed, but worse because it was sudden and horrible. It was also worse because I wouldn’t have the satisfaction of having a freshly waxed downtown.
On top of it all, I wound up with a bruise that made sitting awkward for the next week.