I don’t wear makeup often. I used to wear it daily, but that got old fast because I’m lazy and would rather sleep an extra 15 minutes than do my makeup. I’ve also hit a point in my life where I feel like…I just don’t need to impress anyone. Except myself because sometimes I just really want to be cute. But before, I wore make up because my skin was really bad and it made me feel better to cover it all up. Which means I wore makeup every day.
However, I never actually knew how to put my make up on.
So this is how things would go for me:
I would start by washing my hands because I know where my hands go and I don’t want any of that near my face. Then I would wash my face because I feel like you should start with a clean canvas. After that I would use toner and moisturizer because I like to take care of my face and years of acne has taught me a thing or two about caring for my skin.
Now this is where the fun starts. I would basically start finger painting on my face. I would dot on primer and then smear it all over my face. After that I would use my foundation to paint warrior and then smear it all over my face until it was reasonably blended.
Then I would look in the mirror to see if I still looked human.
Usually I did resemble a human, so I moved on to the next step.
Eyeliner. I carefully use my pencil to line my eyes. The whole time I would be willing myself not to turn my eyeball into some sort of macabre bbq skewer with my pencil. Sometimes it would take a few attempts to get it just right, but it would eventually work!
Then I would look in the mirror to see if I still resembled a human.
And usually I did so I would move on to either adding a little blush or bronzer to my face. Most of the time I would add bronzer because I look better when bronze. Now at this point I had to go slowly and start small. My face would almost be a Rachael Bowser masterpiece and if I got even slightly carried away, then everything would be ruined. Except usually I would mess up and put too much of something on so then I would frantically rub my face to get it off and try to blend it in better. Then I would use tissue to dab my face before using my hands to rub everything in one last time.
Then I would look in the mirror to see if I still resembled a human and I usually did.
At that point I would usually give up because I looked human so I knew that I should quit while I was ahead. If I was feeling particularly brave or industrious, I would add lipstick and call it a day.
And it all worked. My acne would be covered, I would look human, I would feel human, and most importantly, I wouldn’t have stabbed my eye out with an eyeliner.