I love coconut oil. It’s so wonderfully versatile and I can use it for lots of things that I normally would use other less convenient things for.
Skin sensitive to most shaving creams? That’s me! I use coconut oil to shave my parts. No bumps. No fuss. And everything winds up silky smooth and wonderfully moisturized. It’s better than using hair conditioner which is what I used to do. It just put my conditioner to shampoo ratios off. It was slightly inconvenient.
My waterproof makeup is actually waterproof? Not an issue because it sure as shit ain’t coconut oil proof. It also keeps me from having to keep makeup remover for the makeup that I rarely wear.
I need an oil to cook my food in? You bet your sweet patootie that I’m reaching for coconut oil.
Dry skin or psoriasis flare up? I’m grabbing coconut oil to moisturize myself.
Lubricant? Yup. Coconut oil works wonderfully. But not with certain sex toys or condoms because coconut oil can break certain materials down. I’ll let you do your google searching on that. I’ve checked and my coconut oil is great with my current toy collection and I love it.
Basically, if duct tape can’t fix it, I think you should try coconut oil.
Which brings me to my main issue. It’s kind of expensive and I can’t bring myself to buy more than one jar at a time. So I’m left randomly toting my lone jar of oil around my home as I need it. Along with the jar I have to carry a clean spoon for scooping out the oil because I know I shouldn’t just be shoving my hand into the jar as I need. I know where my hands have been and I don’t need that in the stuff I rub on to my face and lady garden, and use to make/burn my food.
And because I’m me and usually don’t think things through, my coconut oil is usually in the last place I used it. Kitchen. Bedroom. Bathroom. Car. It’s somewhere. Your guess is as good as mine about where I left it.
Which is exactly why I wound up running out to my car at 11pm one night wrapped in only a bed sheet.
This happened last week. I got home from personal training and as usual my body didn’t want to move because my trainer is great at what she does. So I laid on my floor and did none of what I should have done. No eating, no showering, no cleaning up the awakard pile of dirty socks that I could see accumulating under my bed. Nothing. It was great.
Eventually I got up and dragged myself into the shower. As I scrubbed and washed and conditioned I noticed that my legs were…kind of hairy. The patch that I had missed shaving before was even longer and thicker while the rest of my legs had grown a stubble that any 5 o’clock shadow would be jealous of.
I glanced out onto my bathroom counter. No coconut oil. I stepped out of the shower and looked in my room. Nothing. I wandered out into the kitchen and didn’t see a thing. I was already dripping all over my apartment so I did another quick wander and didn’t see my coconut oil. I tried to remember where I last had it, but couldn’t remember where I had left it or used it last.
There was a vague memory of using it on my elbows in my car. Plus it wasn’t in any of its usual places, so by process of elimination, my coconut oil had to be in the car.
Naked, wet, and alone. I stood in my kitchen and had a very brief debate with myself. I love freshly shaven legs. I was looking for my coconut oil anyway, and I would probably forget about all of this later so…
I wrapped myself up in a bed sheet and ran out to my car in search of my oil. It was 11pm so no one saw me. It was just a dark and empty street with a very vain woman rooting through her car until she found her coconut oil.
Which I found in my gym bag on my passenger seat. Along with a weeks worth of dirty socks.
That night I shaved my legs and cleaned out my gym bag. That was the extent of my productivity for the rest of the weekend and it was amazing.