For the last few weeks at the gym, this random guy has been giving me a fist bump every time he sees me. I’ll be walking to one part of the gym and he’ll be walking to another and he’ll casually hold out his fist to me and I’ll casually hit my fist against it. It make me feel like a total bad ass to casually walk past this dude and tap my fist against his. Normally when it happens I am pouring sweat, my heart is racing, and one muscle group or another is shaking. But no matter what, I can almost always walk past this guy and be a total smooth criminal while knocking my fist against his.
Except for tonight. Tonight gym dude decided to change things up. I was just walking out the room where fitness classes are held when he was walking by and instead of holding out his fist for me to bump, he held his hand up like he wanted me to shake it. So I let him grab my hand in a grip that I’m positive shattered all of my fingers and let him pull me in for that weird hand shakey hug thing that guys do.
As he pulled me in for a hug, all I could think was “be cool, be cool be cool be co-”
And then his shoulder slammed into my boob and I felt like my world had just shattered into a million pieces in the worst of ways. I was positive that he had popped my glorious right chesticle with his body slam. My D-cup had either exploded into nothingness or was in the process of swelling into a DDD-cup. I wasn’t sure, but I could feel pain radiating out from where he had body checked me so something was going on with my now abused fun bag.
It hurt so bad that I wanted to cry on the spot. Instead I continued to tell myself to be cool while he told me that my squat was looking better and I whimpered a quick thank you told him to have a good workout. He was completely unaware that he had just destroyed my poor boob and told me to have a good rest before walking off to another part of the gym.
Now I have a bruise on my boob and I still feel like a total bad ass because I’m totally a casual gym fist bumper sort of person who occasionally dude hugs people without being a total spazz. In a world where I feel out of place and not the most confident, there is this one guy who is a shining light. Every time I awkwardly tap my fist against his, I feel like I belong. So, yes, my boob hurts right now, but I still feel like a total bad ass.