In which a teenager farts, but won’t admit it was her

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I’m just going to come right out and say it, one of the girls on my junior basketball team that I help coach farted and they won’t admit to it. Friday night my sister and I wound up taking three of our players to our game in Chase, and you know what? I like these girls. They’re pretty awesome and I think they’re hilarious. They also played a great game and they won. So yeah, I was pretty happy with them that night.

Or I was happy with them until we were driving home that night. There we were, cruising through some insane fog, the visibility was low, Tiff and I were making them listen to Missy Elliot, and the three teenagers we had crammed into the back seat of my mom’s truck were kind of quiet. That’s when I the smell hit me. It was disgusting. Like a fart, but rotten. And maybe a little burnt. This was burnt and rotten fart. I can barely describe this smell, but it was gross. It was like that rotten thing that you sometimes find in the back of your fridge and you have no idea what it was or when you bought it.

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Ok, It was like that thing I sometimes find in the back of my fridge and I have no idea what it was or when I bought it because I’m a disgusting human being and sometimes forget the things that wind up at the back of my fridge.

This thing was a silent assassin that could have killed us all.

At first I thought maybe it was the truck making that smell. Sometimes trucks make gross smells. Except no one was saying anything so I was wondering if maybe it was just me that could smell it? I sat there for a few seconds wondering how no one else could smell what I was smelling. It was burning my nose hairs off so how could no one else be complaining? Maybe it was the truck. I really hoped that it wasn’t the truck. If the truck was making a smell like that…

“Was that you?” my sister asked me.

“Oh good,” one of the girls said in the backseat. “I thought it was just me that could smell that.”

Everyone started chiming in how bad the smell was and how they were hoping someone was going to say something while we all rolled our windows down.

“If it had been me,” I told my sister, “I would have been giggling my ass off.”

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At that point everyone said they would have been giggling too if they had farted. Then we all sat there laughing at how we would have laughed over farting. Except no one would admit that it was them! Not a single person would claim that horrendous smell as their own. No one would admit that this stench had creeped out of their ass and into our noses. No one would own the stink they had created.

I bet that smell will come back to kill whomever abandoned it.

And honestly? I can definitely say that it wasn’t me. If it had been me, I would have locked the windows and made everyone bask in the ambiance of whatever the hell that smell was. Except whatever that smell was just really confused me. It also disgusted me, but at the same time it was confusing. Was it the truck? If it was the truck, what the hell was wrong with it that it would make that smell? Was it my sister? Was it one of the teenagers in the back seat? I had so many unanswered questions and all of them centered around one lonely and unclaimed fart. Mostly I was just confused about how anyone could make a stink like that without making a sound.

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Or giggling about it. If I had made the smell I definitely would have had a proper laugh about it.

So now I’m blaming one of the teenagers for it because it’s more fun to randomly ask them if they had made that smell than it is to ask my sister if it was her. Personally, I don’t blame them for not confessing. After all, I’m blogging about it now.

P.S. Work It by Missy Elliot came on and I was convinced that the teens in the backseat were kids when it came out. Tiffany Googled it and as it turns out, one of them probably wasn’t born and they other two were a year old when Work It came out.

 

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How I Finished 2015

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2015 was a darn amazing year. Yes, there were times it sucked, but I had great friends who let me cry all over them and talk to them when I needed, so that’s ok. I survived and blah blah blah. If you’ve been reading my blog, you basically know what I’ve been up to all year. I went back to Wales, played basketball and netball, finished my degree, started my first grown up job and then I went back to Wales because I missed everyone. Well, after Wales I went to Edinburgh and fell in love.

Edinburgh is easily my third favourite city in the world after Paris and New Orleans. Once again, I fell asleep in a new city and woke up having no idea where I was. It took me a few minutes of looking around my tiny bunk area before I clued in that I was in Edinburgh and I was getting a tattoo that day! After dragging myself out of bed, grabbing a quick bite to eat, I was off to meet my tattoo artist and get some new ink!

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Gemma at Edinburgh Ink was my artist that day and she did a phenomenal job! Thanks, Gemma!

After my tattoo I met up with a friend who is from Scotland and we did touristy stuff around the city for the rest of the day. If there is any city in the world that does Christmas right, it’s Edinburgh. There are Christmas markets spread around the main area of the city that you can visit, plus lots of lights, bag pipers playing Christmas songs, and there is even a CHRISTMAS TREE MAZE!

I loved the Christmas Tree Maze!

I loved the Christmas Tree Maze!

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Edinburgh knows how to do Christmas. I did a happy dance seeing this.

On our way to the maze, I couldn’t stop skipping and hopping because I was so excited. Apparently I am a five year old. The maze wasn’t as big as I had hoped, but it was still fun to go through it and find Santa’s Workshop. My friend and I toddled through the maze while I giggled and couldn’t stop smiling. Basically, everything we did after the Christmas Tree Maze was a bonus. And there were a lot of bonuses! We wound up exploring the Scottish National Gallery, one of the Christmas Markets (we were looking for gnomes), and then he made me try a deep fried Mars bar, which I thought was very American, but it turns out it’s a Scottish thing. It’s basically deep friend diabetes and it was like chewing on Heaven.

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I was supposed to go and see the castle, but wound up on Portobello Beach. I can now say that I’ve put my feet in both the east and west coast waters of the UK!

Edinburgh was amazing. My last day there I woke up with a really bad cold so I had an easy day exploring used book stores, and then I met a guy from north Wales in a pub and wound up having lunch with him. Once he found out that I had studied in Wales he said that he’d buy me a shot for every Welsh word I could say correctly and he wound up buying me exactly 5 shots. We spent the afternoon drinking and laughing until it was time for him to go meet his friends and I decided to explore the city some more.

A sleeper bus is basically full of human sized cubby holes for people to sleep in.

A sleeper bus is basically full of human sized cubby holes for people to sleep in.

Eventually 10:45PM rolled around and it was time for me to board my sleeper bus to go to London for my last night in the UK. When I woke up the next day, I was in London! Later on that day I met up with Raz and Alex! I got huge hugs from both of them. At that point my cold had gotten worse so my excitement was killed by my asthma. We spent the afternoon handing out with each other and catching up. I couldn’t believe how much I missed them even though we picked right back up where we left off.

After a great afternoon with those two, I flew home the next day.

When I got home I jumped back into my regular coaching routine with my sister. Even though I loved my time in the UK, I missed my little sister the most and I’ve spent a lot of my time at home making up for the time I missed with her. We’ve been coaching Jr. Girl’s sports at our local high school together and had a successful volleyball season, and are now on our way to coaching a successful basketball season.

Merry Christmas from the Bowser siblettes!

Merry Christmas from the Bowser siblettes!

Christmas came and went in the Bowser household and I was happy to be home with my family. I was also happy to not have to worry about school for the first time in years. It was also Goliath’s first Christmas with us and he loved opening presents with Thumper.

Then before I knew it…LISA WAS IN BC!

My gremlin was with me so that meant I was back to crouching and slouching for our selfies.

My gremlin was with me so that meant I was back to crouching and slouching for our selfies.

I went down to the coast to visit her and Haylee and I couldn’t believe that it had been 5 months since I’d last seen my shorter half. I arrived on the 4pm bus. As soon as I stepped off the bus I ran to the bathroom because I really had to pee. I also needed to change out of my woolen long sleeve shirt because it was like springtime. When I was done I walked back out into the main area of the bus station and I saw her. My gremlin.

Before I knew it, we were hugging for the first time in forever and I couldn’t have been happier to see. I’d forgotten how tiny she was and…my arms were getting tired. Why were my arms getting tired? Why did Lisa seem taller than she normally did? Normally when we hug she nearly gets smothered by my boobs, but this time her face was at my shoulder level. Was the weirdo wearing heels?

Nope to all of the above.

I didn’t realize it, but I had picked the little weirdo up and was holding her off the ground while we hugged.

Mel, Haylee, Lisa, and I went out for a much needed night of dancing and shenanigans.

Mel, Haylee, Lisa, and I went out for a much needed night of dancing and shenanigans.

After I put her back down, we went off to get food and spend the day hanging out until Haylee got off work. Even though I’d forgotten how small she was, I didn’t forget how easy it was to be around her. Or how much fun Lisa, Haylee and I could have together. Yes, I’ve visited Haylee a few times, but I had missed the three of us being the three of us. One of our friends in the UK said it best about us, “A night with the Turdettes is always a good night.”

Like I said, 2015 was amazing. It started with a bang and ended with a bang. Mostly because my family has the yearly tradition of shooting off our rifles every year at midnight. This was also my third year in a row where I finished my year off taking a poop and started my year off…still taking a poop. I have no idea what 2016 is going to bring about, but if it’s anywhere near as amazing as 2015, I’m in for a great year. But 2016 shouldn’t feel like it needs to compete. If I have a quiet year, I’ll be ok with that as well. 2016 should just be itself and I’ll appreciate it for exactly that.