Yocumtown, PA – I’m going here

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We all know that I’m a horrible blogger. I have issues with consistency. I think part of that comes from never really knowing what to write and just waiting for inspiration to jump out at me and slap me across the face. I had hoped something would slap me across the fact this week, but it didn’t. Probably because it was too polite and quietly stood in the corner, politely waiting for me to notice it. Except I didn’t because I’m a rude asshole. Instead, I wound up asking my the other two Turdettes what I should write about tonight.

Of course I happened to ask them when we were in the middle of a conversation about Yocumtown…

IMG_6548Haylee said I should Google the town and write a blog about it. So I did. And we continued on to talk about farts. While we discussed farts that echo, I learned that Yocumtown was named after Elijah Yocum and that a man drowned in a spring in that area because he was leaning down to get a drink and fell in.

Naturally I just want to go there and have an orgasm because when I saw the name of the town all I saw was “YO! CUM” and I was all like “That’s a bit creepy and demanding, but ok.” I’ve now decided that when Haylee and I go and visit Lisa (She’s from PA), we’re going to insist that she take us there. Then I’m going to insist that I get some quiet alone time. I don’t know if Haylee will let me have that quiet alone time though. Haylee likes to make me poop with her nearby because it helps me get over being a nervous pooper…

This is basically what Haylee does when she finds out that you're a nervous pooper. She claims to be helping. I think she's just a weird perv.

This is basically what Haylee does when she finds out that you’re a nervous pooper. She claims to be helping. I think she’s just a weird perv.

Unfortunately my friendship with Lisa and Haylee will probably get a little weird when we visit Yocumtown because they’ll both think that I’m pooping or want to poop and will refuse to leave me alone. Except I won’t be pooping. I have plans that I mean to stick to while I visit Yocumtown and nothing will stop me.

Seriously, guys, if we ever go to Yocumtown, I’m going to need like 15 minutes to myself. I may be pooping. I may be masturbating. I’m not sure yet because it would be hard to turn down getting some quiet time to myself to have a nice poop, but it would also be nice to accomplish my now perverted idea. I guess we will have to wait and see or hire a fortune teller and hope that they don’t shiv us in the face and take all of our money. We want to hire a nice fortune teller.

I’m sure Yocumtown is a perfectly lovely place and they’ve probably heard all of the jokes by now. Someday, I’ll visit there and I’m sure that I will give it a very nice review and take a ton of pictures. Again, we will need a fortune teller to know.

I really need to go and start Google searching fortune tellers now. I hope they’re on yelp.

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