New Year Confessions

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A year ago I decided that instead of posting resolutions for the new year I would post confessions. You can read my confessions from last hereĀ if you like. This year I’ve decided to uphold this very young tradition and write out my New Year Confessions. I feel like this is a great way to start my year off by confessing the weird, the gross, and the secretive things that I did over the last year. Here they are, my 2014 Confessions:

air hump

  • Sometimes when I play my Zumba game on the Wii I start humping the hair because I get lazy and need a quick break. I also happen to air hump better than I do the bachata.

ugly cry

  • When I first moved to Wales, I cried every night for a week and I hated it. I got really good at hiding all the puffy eyed looks that I got ugly crying that week.
  • I haven’t the faintest clue what I’m doing when I put my make up on. I guess at it every single time. Happily it seems to turn out ok as I never look like a hooker or Mimi from Drew Carry.
  • One of my greatest amusements this year has come from comparing my ear wax and boogers in the different places that I’ve lived this last year. My ear wax is much more waxy when I’m living in the Greater Vancouver area and Wales and my boogers are more snotty in those areas. When I’m living at home my boogers are much more boogery (I think “WINNER” every time I shove my finger up my nose) and my ear wax is much less waxy.
  • I still don’t know how to properly use a semi-colon or a colon.
  • The difference between “who” and “whom” is also beyond me
  • I’m now a Creative Writing and English major and my grammar is severely lacking.
  • I miss studying Criminology.

keep-calm-and-get-a-vajazzle

  • I tried to vajazzle myself last year and wound up with a patch of small raw spots that looked like chemical burns in the shape of a heart. Well…those spots eventually scabbed over and I eventually scratched at those scabs because they got itchy (it was horrible having an itch on my inner right thigh because there was no way I could scratch that in public) and now I have a set of scars on my inner right thigh in the shape of a heart.

hamster

  • When I walk, I can feel my butt jiggle and that horrifies me. It feels like a hoard of dancing hamsters are twerking underneath my butt skin. What the hell is up with that?

I’m more or less still the same disgusting person that I was last year. I still marvel at Biore strips when I pull them off my nose and I think that Pepsi burps taste just as good coming up as the Pepsi did going down. I also still don’t really have any resolutions for the year, but hey! I turn 28 next month, maybe I’ll decide to be resolute about something then!