A Trip to the Gynecologist

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I was sitting in my gyno’s office today waiting to get called in for my lady bits inspection. My appointment was for 10:15am and it was 10:30. I’d been waiting there since 10am so I was getting fairly irritated. So there I sat in the waiting room filled to bursting with women, getting angrier and angrier every time that the receptionist called a name that wasn’t mine. As I was telling myself to read more of my book and to be patient, I saw a lady with a baby kneel down on the floor and lay her kid back on a blanket.

“Oh no she isn’t!” I immediately thought.

But oh she she did.

Right there in figurative middle of the waiting room, this lady decided to change her kids diaper instead of going to use a washroom. I wasn’t bothered by the fact that she decided to change the kid where she changed him, I was just worried that it was going to be a messy, stinky diaper. If it was messy and stinky, I would gag and probably puke or do something else equally ridiculous. It’s just a reflex. I have never been ok with stinky diapers. Even after spending most of my summer baby-sitting a two-year old, I still wasn’t used to poopy diapers.

So I did the only that I could think to do. I held my breath and focused on my book, hoping that I wasn’t about to be blasted with the smell of poopy diaper. Thankfully, no smell came and the lady got the kids butt all cleaned up and the dirty diaper all rolled up. One of the receptionists was nice enough to bring a trash bin over for her to toss the diaper out.

After she tossed the diaper out, the lady reached into her diaper bag to grab a clean diaper and she came out empty handed. Curious, I sat and watched as she sat up a little straighter, picked up her diaper bag and opened it up as wide as it could go. I watched as this horrible moment of defeat washed over this woman. Her shoulders slumped, but she continued to frantically dig through that bag. I started to root for her. Hoping against hope that she was going to have a Mary Poppins moment, shove her whole arm in the bag, and come out holding a fresh diaper.

It didn’t happen. She didn’t find a fresh diaper. And that kid couldn’t have been more happy. Bare bottomed and clean, she decided that it was time to roll over and crawl away from her mom. Wanting to be helpful, I immediately started thinking of temporary diaper alternatives. I couldn’t think of anything. Maybe stick two pads back to back and tape it on?

Maybe I should offer to run and buy diapers for the lady?

What about using a shirt or towel and stick a pad to that? Pads are supposed to absorbent right?

Thankfully another mom noticed this ladies predicament and gave her a clean diaper. It looked too big, but it was something right?

After that I suddenly didn’t care about waiting to get my lady bits looked at. For all I cared, they could have rotted off because what I witnessed was just more evidence about why I should never be a mom because I would totally be the mom and always forgot extra diapers and would try and tie a t-shirt onto my kids butt with a pad stickied onto the inside.

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