While I was making dinner tonight I got a phone call from a guy that I went on a date with about a year and a half ago. It was a really bad date and neither of us bothered to call the other back, but I forgot to delete his number out of my phone so I was really surprised to see his name popped up. I was also really suspicious. During our date I suspected that he was the sort of guy that would kick kittens for dollars. So I was really weary of my conversation with him.
It actually was a very nice conversation despite the fact that it was also kind of awkward. It was that sort of conversation where you don’t know how to break the ice so you just kind of awkwardly jump around on it and look for a crack that you can break through to get things going. In this case it meant that he and I kind of asked random questions back and forth for fifteen minutes while I made pancakes.
No I didn’t set them on fire. They were rather tasty.
The conversation was kind of nice too. Or it was until he asked me if I could go anywhere in the world right now, where would I go?
He said it in a flirty way and I think he was hoping I’d say something slutty like “into your pants party where everyone is coming”, but that wasn’t how things went down for him.
Me: Yes. Paris. Right below the Eiffel Tower.
Him: That’s so clichéd. Don’t you think?
Me: Yes, but I think your poor attempt at a booty call is clichéd as well.
Me: Dude, we had a bad first date, and we haven’t spoken in like a year and a half. This is either a booty call or you want to find out where I hide my cat so you can kick her. And let me tell you, mister, if you try to kick my cat I will kick you square in the wiener.
Me: Don’t “what?!” me! You’re the one being unreasonable in your demand for my booty or my cat to kick.
Him: I don’t want to kick your cat!
Me: Then why did you call?!
Him: Well, I uh…I, umm…
Me: So you do want to kick my cat don’t you?! I hope you know she is on an island surrounded by sharks with lasers on their heads who would rather die than let her be kicked. I love my Chicken Little!
Him: I think I should let you go.
Me: I think so too. I need to check on those sharks to make sure they haven’t lasered each other to death.
Then I hung up and sat on my kitchen floor and laughed and laughed and laughed. After I laughed so much that I nearly had an asthma attack, I enjoyed my perfectly made pancakes while I watched “The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh”.