Me: Can you pass me the ketchup please?
Brian: Do you put ketchup on everything?
Me: We’ve been over this, I put it on most things.
Brian: *looks over at my plate* JEEBUS! How much ketchup do you need to use?
Me: Enough that it tastes good?
Brian: But you’re killing the flavour!
Me: I’m making it better! Everything tastes better with ketchup!
Brian: *grabs the ketchup and runs out my door*
And I just stood in my kitchen stunned that my friend ran off with my ketchup. I was even more stunned that he didn’t come back after five minutes. He actually didn’t come back at all. Thankfully, he promised to bring my ketchup back in the morning so I can have scrambled eggs for breakfast.