After work yesterday I met up with a friend for coffee. Well, coffee and juice. She had coffee, I had an orange juice. This friend is remaining unnamed because as soon as I gleefully declared “I’m blogging about this!” she told me not to identify her. Anyway, we met up for coffee and juice and as we were sitting and talking, she remembered she needed to grab a few things from Safeway before we went home. I was totally ok with that because I needed to grab a few things too.
Namely condoms and more juice.
Skip to when we were heading to the check out line and all I had in my arms were filled with three cartons of orange juice and a box of non-latex condoms. She had a cart that looked like a garden was growing in it and had sprouted doughnuts on the side.
Her: That’s all that you’re getting?
Me: Yes, why? Am I forgetting something?
Her: It’s just condoms and juice!
Her: What will the clerk think?!
Me: Does it matter?
Her: Don’t you want to grab something else so it’s not just condoms and juice?
Me: Not really. I just need condoms and juice.
Her: They’re going to think you’re a slut!
Me: *eye roll* Well, that’s they’re issue.
Her: Come on. Just grab a couple items so maybe they won’t notice the condoms.
At this point, I realized that my friend would not be reasoned with and it was easier to just do things her way. So we turned around to walk around the store some more and gather more items for me to hide the condoms with. Ten minutes later we were walking back to the till and I was gleefully giggling to myself over the items that I’d collected.
We got back to the till and I got in line first to pay. Item by item, I unloaded my basket. Orange juice, condoms, baby oil, electric tape, whipped cream, and a cucumber. I tried to hold my giggles back as I saw my friend process all of this.
Me: What?! You said to buy stuff to hide the condoms!
Her: So the clerk wouldn’t notice the condoms!
Me: Well now they can look at all the other awesome stuff I bought too!
Her: I can’t take you anywhere nice.
Note: The clerk barely batted an eye at us fighting with each other about condoms. She did give me a weird look after noticing the combination of the stuff that I bought. Then she handed me my receipt and scratch card and sent me on my way.