Snot Rockets

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You know those people you see who always have tissue on them? They have some in a bag, a pocket, or even up their sleeve? I’m not one of those people. I’ve never been one of those people. Heck, I’m the type of of gal who will give you a weird look when you offer her a napkin to wipe her hands because that’s what my jeans are for. Unless it’s a big, goopy mess. Then I’d be happy to take your napkin to wipe my hands. I’m the same with with tissue and blowing my nose.

I don’t take tissue places with me unless I’m really going to need it. Like if I’m going to class and I have a cold. I hate being that person in a class with the sniffles. It’s annoying, disruptive, and gosh darn if you’re sick then you should just stay at home instead of sharing your germs. Except sometimes you have to go to class unless you’re on your deathbed or your stomach can’t decide if it wants to exit out your mouth or your butt. I might also take a tissue with me if I’m going to a movie. No one appreciates a sniffler.

snotThis is why I’ve long since mastered the art of the snot rocket. My dad showed me when I was younger and I’ve seen him do it dozens of times in my growing up years. There is just a point in the sniffles where sniffling just isn’t going to cut it anymore. For me, the sniffling has to stop when I actually feel great, green, globs of snot shooting back up my nose each time I sniffle it back up. After that, I’m not just a sniffler, I’m just making repulsive sounds that kind of make me want to gag.

That’s what happened today. I’ve been sick for the last week or so and the last few days, I’ve had a super runny nose. Like marathon runner runny. If I could run like my nose has been running, I would be in much better shape than I am. Except I don’t run like my nose, so today I left the house to get a little bit of exercise. I figured I would go for a walk/jog down my street and see how far I could get before my asthma decided to kick in and try to kill me. I barely made it a full kilometer before my asthma had a strangle hold locked in and was trying to drag me to the ground where it would then proceed royally beat my lungs into full submission.

So I turned around to walk home. I took my time because I was coughing and wheezing and everyone who I passed gave me an extremely worried look. Well, everyone gave me a worried look except for this one lady who gave me a horrified and disgusted look that started off as “Oh no she didn’t!” and quickly changed to “She did and I think I’m going to be sick.” That last look was because I’d gotten tired of snorting this glob of snot back up my right nostril and had stepped to the side of the sidewalk to blow it out. With out a “how do you do” or even a little bit of warning, I stepped to the side, turned my face away from this mid-forties woman, covered my left nostril, bent over a little bit and blew like I was a little kid who was trying to blow all the candles out to make her wish come true.

slimerBut you have to make the little kid me, and the blowing part come out my right nostril with a long gob that resembled Slimer instead of the usual spit and air that comes along with kids blowing out candles.

This might be why I can’t ever go nice places.

Have you ever blown a public snot rocket?

 

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