Nail Clippers – Who, What, When, Where, Why, How?


scumbag-nail-clippers-10532If there is one item in my entire collection of things that I own or happen to have in my home that I can lose without any effort, it’s my nail clippers. It’s like there are little nail clipper gnomes that wait for me to set them down and then they run out when I blink and move them to some where ridiculous. Sometimes I just don’t even know how or why they get to be in the places the end up, it’s a stupid mystery and one that I don’t want to solve because I probably won’t like the answer.

And it’s not like the organizational system of my room is hard. Everything is either on the floor, on my desk, or on the floor. Sometimes it gets put on my little TV table or in the bathroom if it belongs in the bathroom.

Just think about it for a minute!

Where do I put my nail clippers? On my desk. They’re easy to reach there and I’ll remember that I put them there the next time I go to look for them. Except the next time I go to look for them, they’re gone. I haven’t touched anything on my desk except to grab my laptop, so the clippers being gone baffles me. Could I have knocked them on the ground? Could then be under a book? I don’t know. They’re gone. So where do I find them? I find them somewhere stupid like inside of a pizza box. No lies either. The box was sitting in my recycling bin and the only reason why I found my clippers was because I took it out of my bin to crunch it down to go shove it in my landlords bin to be recycled. I have no idea how they got there or why they would be there, but there they were after I’d been looking for my clippers for a couple of days.

So I get smarter. I maybe grow a little bit from the experience of losing my nail clippers for the basquillionth time in my short 26 years on this earth. I think that maybe I should actually put my clippers back in my little manicure kit and put the kit somewhere where I’ll be able to find it when my nails need a good clipping. Except now, not only are my clippers missing, but the whole case seems to have wandered off.
Apparently I’m not smarter. So I have to look all over for my manicure kit. I swear that I put my clippers in my kit and put it in my bathroom drawer. I retrace these steps a number of times until I notice a little piece of black case hiding behind my toilet. Sitting on top of the flip flop I lost last week. Those sneaky buggers! They certainly weren’t there all the other 50 million times I’ve used the can, so my bathroom is probably magical. When I need something that I lost, I just think really hard about it and it’ll appear behind the toilet.

You would imagine that this gets easier. I would get better at looking after my belongings. I would get more responsible about this sort of thing. Unless you know me. Then you know that this isn’t how things work and that I put my nail clippers inside of my hollowed out book because that’s where I keep all of my metal bottle caps and that book never moves from its place and there is no way that I could lose my clippers if I keep them in there. If you’re like me and thought that a hollow book full of treasures could keep my clippers safe, then you’re wrong. So very very wrong. Because once again, I can’t find my nail clippers.
This time they get really lost. I don’t find them for over a month and thankfully I’m ok with my awful nail biting habit so my nails aren’t too grossly long. They only have that chic gnawed on look that everyone pays billions of dollars a year to get. I’m awesome because I can get this look for free. Eventually I empty out my change bottle and lo and behold! In amongst the pennies, nickles, dimes and other loose change are my nail clippers. All this time they’d been buried in loose change!

It never changes. I’m forever trying to put my nail clippers in a place where I know I’ll remember them and I can’t possibly lose them, but they always end up lost. Then I find them in strange places. One time I found them in my veggie crisper in my fridge. Another time they turned up inside a pot on my shelf. One time they were in my toaster. Thankfully I saw something shiny in my toaster one day before I made toast and found them before I tried to toast them. Sometimes they turn up in mundane places that make me realize exactly how messy my room is, but sometimes they turn up in the weirdest of places and I wonder how they got there.

Where have your nail clippers turned up?


3 thoughts on “Nail Clippers – Who, What, When, Where, Why, How?

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