Avoiding the Christmas Coupling


‘Tis the season to be jolly and get set up on lots and lots of dates. Seriously too, it’s the most wonderful time of the year to hide from your friends. Which I did rather effectively a couple years back since I was taking a break from school and living back home with my parents. This year, however, and last year, there was none of that luck. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and appreciate them as much as I possibly can, but dear Heavens above and Hades below! November and December seem to be that time of year where people seem to couple off and go feed each other soup and bon bons. And let’s face it, this is a great time of year to cuddle up on a couch in a warm living room and watch a good movie with a lover, significant other or that special someone you happen to be seeing currently.

Oh and it’s the season for Christmas and holiday parties for all!

To be honest, I like my pictures to be solo. The idea of having to squeeze a lover or that potential someone who I might bring home to mom and dad into a portrait with me just…weirds me out. I like the fact that when I’m out in the world it’s just me and the music blasting into my ears. I like the fact that I’m free to fall in love if the opportunity arises and I love the fact that I’m not attached to someone else and can happily explore and discover another person if the situation presents itself. Mostly though, I just enjoy having no one else in the picture but me.

Except November and December…these are the hard months. The months where sometimes I wish I had a reliable someone that I could call up for a cuddle and a movie. Now that I’m learning how to cook all of these awesome comfort foods, I would love to be able to cook for someone and then get cuddled. Mostly I want to cuddle and mostly I’m ok with the fact that it’s just me, myself and I. Mostly though, my friends aren’t ok with the fact that I don’t have someone to cook for and that I don’t have a significant other to hold me on these long cold days.

Honestly, it’s a little depressing and I find myself coming to the point where…I want to give in and play by normal people’s rules. To date so I can cook for someone. To commit so that I can get cuddles whenever I want and won’t have to stand out in the cold on my own. To change my Facebook status to “In a relationship” so I don’t feel so Gods damned alone at all of my friends parties where everyone is a couple except for that guy they invite because they’re setting us up. I honestly want to be ready for that sort  of a relationship in my life where he’ll meet my parents and we’ll make plans for Christmas and New Year’s…but I’m not. So I’ve come up with a plan to avoid winding up in something that I’m not ready for and to avoid the depression that tends to come along with this season because I’m alone.

Even though, ya know, I actually like being alone for the most part.

Step One: Don’t go to all of the parties – One friend is have a Pre-Christmas Party so we can all celebrate Christmas together before the Christmas season gets into full swing and we all leave town and start doing actual Christmas stuff. Another friend is cooking her first Christmas dinner this year so she’s having a Practice Christmas party to practice on her friends. Then there is the American friend who is married to a Vancouverite who is having American Thanksgiving. Festivus for the Rest of Us. Starting next weekend and leading right up until Christmas I’ve been invited to at least one seasonal party a week. And I’m not going to all of them. To be honest, I’m actually only going to three of them. I’m not trying to be rude or anything but a) I know I’ll get set up at most of these parties, b) I have a lot of school work that needs doing, and c) I know which parties I’ll feel loneliest at from past experience. Let’s face it, this is the time of year to merry and jolly and stuff and this year I refuse to do anything that will make me feel lonely, left out or make me crave something that I’m not ready for.

Step Two: Party with a rock star – Me. Duh. During the rest of the year I love being by myself. Just me and the occasional fun friend. Yes, I have lots of homework to do and the end of my semester is fast approaching, but I’m still going to make time to go out, buy myself something pretty and dance with myself all night long in my bedroom while watching all my favorite Christmas specials. I am going to take the time to do all of the things that I love to do alone and can only do alone because they’re the most fun that way. Sure I’ll probably wind up watching porn all night while drinking whiskey from one of my collectable Simpson’s slushee cups and reading Fight Club, but that’s ok because that’ what I call fun.

Step Three: Make time for my friends – I’ve already started to get some shit from my friends because I’ve declined their Facebook invitations to their marvelous parties. This time of the year, more than any other time is a time for my friends to spend time with their new and growing families. I know they’re getting wrapped up (pun intended) in holiday preparations and view their parties as the only way they can see me this time of the year, but that just means I have to make the extra effort to squeeze in a quick visit here or there. One friend and I have set aside an afternoon where I’m going to help her decorate her house. I’m going to a cookie baking party. I have a series of half-hour coffee dates lined up for the last couple weeks of November. Sure I can’t bake to save my life, I’m not patient enough to decorate a whole house and I have to transit an hour to meet my friend so I can see her for 30 minuets before she has to pick her kid up from daycare, but I love my friends and I think they’re worth the effort. Yes, I’m not going to their parties, but I am going to make time to see them.

Step Four: More sister time – Screw the rest of the world! When I’m with my baby sister, I don’t need any one else. She never pressures me into something that I’m not ready for and I’ve been cooking for her since we were kids. This year we’re going to put on our moose and bear toques, hide in bushes and peek out as people walk by. We’re possibly going to go to jail and our mom will have to come bail us out, but in the end we’ll have discussed things like vajazzling and I’ll probably have tried to fit my entire finger up my nose and gotten it stuck, but whatever. Sister time is awesome and I’m getting more of it this year.

I love that all of my self-portraits are self-portraits. But, yes, sometimes I wish that I were the sort of person that enjoys monogamy and I wish I were ready for a relationship and for all the things most of my friends have in their life, but I’m not. I’m not ready because I haven’t vajazzled myself yet, I’m only just discovering furry porn and I haven’t gone to jail yet. I just feel like…before I’m in a committed relationship I need to have been committed to an institution at least once or have gone to jail. That way I can say that my wild years are complete and will know that whoever loves me, truly loves me because they’ll know that I went to jail at least once in my life or have been institutionalized. That way when I admit to loving to pick my nose, who ever I’m with will think “That’s nothing compared to what she did to wind up in jail…”

But until that happens, I’m going to do my best to avoid Christmas Coupling and keep my self-portraits, self-portraits.


2 thoughts on “Avoiding the Christmas Coupling

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s