I went down to the cafeteria get some hot chocolate and some kid decided to run his face into my knee. In my defense, I had my headphones on and the sound on my iPod was as high as I can get it to go and I didn’t actually see him because he was below my line of sight and pretty much came out of nowhere. Note: I am not an observant person to begin with either. He wound up down on the ground bawling his eyes out with no obvious parent in sight. After about 10 seconds of me staring in horror at this child that just broke its face on my knee, a maternal figure comes charging up to me:
Kids Mom: OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED?!
Me: Your child tried to harm my googlyspootch. You should probably keep him on a leash.
Kids Mom: EXCUSE ME! MY CHILD IS HURT!
Me: So is my googlespootch!
Kids Mom: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Me: I have an obvious disdain for unsupervised children who run their faces off my knee and proceed to scream like I’m trying to amputate their intestines and steal their goo.
Kids Mom: OH MY GOD! ARE YOU RETARDED?!
Me: No. But your kid might be now. You should get that looked at. And consider a leash.
Kids Mom: *picks up her child and starts to run towards security* I’M TELLING!
Me: *yelling at her back* BECAUSE THAT’S A MATURE RESPONSE!
Lesson: If you let your child run buckwild on a college campus and obviously be nowhere near him then you’re not going to have a good time.
Also: I’m probably going to Hell and someday Karma is going to slap me for saying the things I did and finding the situation funny, but what else am I supposed to do when a strangers son randomly runs his face into my knee? I mean besides acting like a caring and responsible individual…
P.S I forgot to get my hot chocolate so I’m totally going to go get that now and it’s going to be delicious.