I’m not going to lie to you and pretend that I’m this crazy organized packer person who is ready to go three point two days in advance of going anywhere. I don’t have any tricks like rolling my socks up and putting them in my shoes or putting my shoes in shower caps to keep dirt from getting on my clothes. Nor do I have any insights on the rolling your clothes vs. folding them debate. Actually I do have some insights into that. I am a full and firm believer of scrunching my clothes up in anyway possible to make them fit into the least amount of baggage needed. But then again I also believe that I only need to pack 3 pairs of underwear for a week long trip because I’ll probably not want to wear any undies for at least two days. So I can’t be trusted on this matter at all.
But over the past seven years I’ve come up with a method to my madness. There is a reasoning behind and my rhymes and that happens to be:
FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT BABY!
I may not be the least bit organized, but I sure as shit can pretend to be so my mom doesn’t yell at me for packing the day that we’re leaving the house. Which I always do, but I always try to make it look like I’ve been packing for days or even weeks in advance. And since I’m such an awesome person, I even broke my packing regimen down into steps!
Step One: PRETEND LIKE YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT PACKING – about a month ago my mom and I were in a Zellers (It’s like a Canadian target that’s getting shut down so that Target can replace it) and looking at all the stuff on sale. Mom was there to buy totes for storage in our carport that’s really extra storage space for my dad and his stuff, but they didn’t have any in the size she wanted so I wound up getting two cute pink totes because they were buy one, get one free. I figured that if I could slam everything into these two totes and my big purple tote then moving back to school would make our lives easier. Beyond that, there was no thought to packing…just thinking I could squeeze all my random crap into three totes.
Step Two: START THINKING OUT LOUD ABOUT WHAT YOU CANNOT FORGET – Like birth control or…In my case, it happens to be clothes. I forgot them once, I can probably forget them again with ease…probably because I’m too busy remembering what books I want to pack. I also talk to mom about what groceries I need in my hobo hole. Like ketchup and peanut butter. I start wandering around the house looking for stuff that I may or may not want to pack. And then, if you happen to be me, you get a weird boner when you find some old textbooks in the basement and drag them up to your room to read for the rest of the day. Then you ask your mom to remind you to pack these books because you absolutely need them.
Step Three: START GATHERING ALL THE STUFF YOU CANNOT FORGET INTO A BIG PILE – Serious too. It helps me to remember that I need to pack if I make my room look like a bad Hoarders episode but piling all the shit that I can’t forget into it. So far I’ve found some of my nicer shirts that are tossed on my bookshelf right in my line of sight along with the text books that gave me a weird boner.
Step Four: HAVE SOME INTERNAL DEBATES ON WHAT YOU’RE PACKING – This year I really had to ask myself, Do I really need to pack the condom pop that I was given for my high school graduation seven years ago? I’m totally allergic to the latex it’s made out of, but it’s just so darn cute that I put it in my little treasure box (hehe) that’s attached to one of my photo albums that mom got for me along with fuzzy handcuffs, a Mardi Gras coin of Bacchus and five Pesos.
Step Five: CLEAN YOUR ROOM – Well you don’t have to do this, but I find my mom is less likely to yell at me if my room is clean. I also do it because I like to procrastinate and tidying my room seems better than trying to pack my stuff. My dad is also less likely to yell at me if he looks in my room and sees a relatively clean floor. Cleaning my room also had the added effect of leading me to the book, 1001 Natural Wonders You Must See Before You Die and I got another weird boner looking at some pages I have dog eared of the Amazon river and I totally decided that I don’t need to pack this book with me, but I do need to re-read it again before I leave.
Step Six: PACK SOME STUFF YOU FOOL! – You need evidence that you’ve been packing. Or at least trying to pack. So I carefully packed up some of the stuff that I can’t forget. A few text books, a couple cook books, lubricant, vibrators, lotion (I used to be an independent Passion Party Consultant) and the little photo album that mom got for that has the fuzzy handcuffs, condom pop, Mardi Gras coin and five pesos.
And there you have it! My six easy steps to packing for the disorganized. Also known as: Fake Packing. Well not really fake because I did pack some stuff, but hey! I’m good to go until the night before I leave and my mom realizes that I have nothing packed and we go through the same routine as we do every year where mom tells me to pack and I dawdle around the house and my dad asks to make sure I have my clothes, keys, power cords and all the important stuff I need because he’s seen me forget all that stuff at least once despite the fact that I always remember to pack my fuzzy handcuffs and some Mardi Gras beads…And let’s face the facts here people: My parent’s totally know what I’m up to, but this is just how I happen to pack. If I do it any other way I’ll cause a snow storm in August or tear a rift in some sort of time/space continuum and the world will end as we know it.
Or I’ll forget to pack my fuzzy handcuffs, condom pop and text books that gave me a weird boner and that would just suck.