These past 7 months have been an adventure in baby-sitting for me. The prime example of this is the time I learned what happens WHEN THREE YEAR OLDS ATTACK. However, there have also been some other instances where I’ve had to sit back and ask myself, “Really? Did that just happen?” Like the time I got stuck with the three year old (I’ll call her T-dawg from now on because that’s my nickname for her) when she was sick and we were in a grocery store getting children’s Tylenol and she puked…and I tried to catch it in my hands. Eew. After depositing my hands full of child vomit and instinctively wiping my hands on my jeans (I still wipe my hands on myself more often than not) I saw back and looked at my woozy charge and asked her “Did that just happen?”
However, lots of mom’s have assured me catching a child’s puke is something they’ve done before. I’ve actually see one of my friends do it too…and I honestly think that isn’t the weirdest thing that I’ve done with T-dawg. SureI caught her vomit and held onto it until the cashier brought me a little trash bin to throw it in and yes I immediately wiped my hands on my jeans afterwards, but I happen to thing that’s nothing compared to the day when I decided raw veggies and soup would be a good lunch.
You see, my friend is a hardcore vegan. She won’t eat it if it had to do with animals in one of its forms. She tried these eating habits on her daughter until her doctor called child services on her because T-dawg wasn’t gaining enough weight and reported T-dawg as being malnourished. So now T-dawg lives on an all organic and cruelty free diet. I find it funny because the kid LOVES chicken and I think killing a free range chicken is the same as killing a cooped up chicken. It’s still dead, after all and the kid eats it like its going out of style. Anyway, this particular day I cut up the cold, left over chicken in the fridge and tossed it into the cold left over vegetable soup while I heated it up and handed T-dawg a bone to chew on because that’s what she does. Then I sliced up carrots, cucumbers and green peppers that were so organic they still had the dirt on them before I washed them off.
Eventually we wound up at the table with our food and T-dawg finally let me toss out her chicken bone with the promise that she could have another one when I made us dinner. She’s a weird kid. Nothing on her plate can touch and she eats everything systematically. First one thing, then the next and the next until she’s done. She sat there happily using her five cucumber slices to spoon dip into her mouth and then she moved onto carrots at which point she grabbed all five of her carrot sticks and held them out to me with this weird expectant look.
Me: “Oh, no thank you kiddo. I have my own carrots. See?”
T-dawg: “Mommy chews them first.”
Me: “Well we all chew our carrots first.”
T-dawg: “No! She chews mine first. They’re too strong for my teeth.”
Me: “Krista chews your carrots first?”
T-dawg: “No! Mommy chews them first.” At this point the kid was looking at me like I was an idiot.
Then it dawned on me.
Me: “You want me to chew your carrots first?!”
T-dawg: “They’re too strong for my teeth.”
Me: “But you eat the carrots in your soup fine.”
T-dawg: “They’re soft.” She’s really giving me this exasperated look as she holds her carrots under my nose and waits for me to do what she wants. She is giving me the same look someone would give me if I asked if I could pee on their front lawns.
Still, those carrots were there under my nose and I knew what she wanted. I knew we weren’t going anywhere in this meal if I didn’t do what she wanted and I scrambled to remember ever seeing my friend ever do this for her kid and was greeted with several memories of her taking bites of her food and handing the smaller chunks to T-dawg. I also recalled a discussion earlier on in the month (This was back in March) on how T-dawg’s mouth was really sore for reasons that I don’t remember because I was too busy passing out from a solid 8 hours spend with a hyper three year old that I’d introduced to Kool-Aid.
So I grabbed her carrots and bit off a small chunk and tried to hand it to her. She shook her head and said “It’s too big. I’ll choke on it.” So I bit that small chunk in half and offered her those two little pieces and she promptly crossed her arms over her chest and said “Too big!” In my frustration over this weird situation I shoved the two carrot chunks in my mouth along with the rest of the carrot stick and chewed ten times before opening my mouth and asking “Good enough?”
Satisfied with my carrot chewing abilities, T-dawg had me spit the chewed carrots out onto her place and we repeated the chewing process for her other four carrots. I’d chew, open my mouth for inspection, get the literal thumbs up from the kid and then spit it all onto her plate. This is the child who would freak if I let her green pepper even slightly touch her cucumber and would refuse to eat it because it was then considered “yucky”. Yet, she was totally cool with me chewing up her five carrots and spitting them onto her plate.
After her carrots were sufficiently chewed and piled onto her plate to her satisfaction, T-dawg spooned give spoonfuls of the veggie dip onto them, mixed them up and proceeded to eat her mountain of chewed carrots and dip with loud smacks of satisfaction. I swear with how happy she was I had just spoon fed her crack or drizzled the organic chocolate sauce she loves on top of it. She made her pre-chewed food sound like the best thing in the world and I have to admit…
I was pretty proud to have been apart of the process.
But I still made a mental note to never eat carrots with her again. That was just too weird of a process for me.
Do you have any weird things you’ve had to do while baby-sitting?