Day 3.8 – Tops Thursday (Fears)

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I’m sometimes a logical person. However a lot of my logic comes from being book smart. Outside of that I have almost no common sense and for the most part I can be unreasonable and silly. I think it’s because I have an overactive imagination that sometimes runs away from me. I also think it’s because of my overactive imagination that I have a lot of weird fears. Irrational fears. Just downright, I don’t know why I have them…fears. The first one is…

1. Clowns – Clowns freak me the frack out. If one insists on being in the same room, I’m leaving and I’m leaving fast. If a clown insists on approaching me like a few have in the past, I’m freaking out to the point where I’m on the edge of tears and then I’m getting incredibly angry that this freak who wants to paint themselves happy thinks it’s ok to come near me. I recall kneeing a clown in his clown balls while I was in New Orleans during Mardi Gras because it kept offering me beads and trying to hug me because it was my birthday. Clowns are horrible things. However, if you really want to see me freak out you should see me around…

Not going to lie...these things terrify me!

2. Fireworks – I’ve never been a fan of loud banging noises. Gun shots and shooting a gun used to terrify me until my dad took me out shooting one day. Now I’m comfortable with gun shots and handling a gun, but I’m still terrified of fireworks. This past New Years I hid in the house with my frightened dogs while my family set off fireworks. A couple years a go I called off a date because he wanted to take me to the Celebration of Light that happens in Vancouver every year. There is something about fire works that just stops my heart then throws it into overdrive and makes me want to curl up in the closest bathtub with cushions over top of me. The best example was last month when my family got together to celebrate me and my Nana’s birthdays and someone brought these pyro/firework/flare-like candles. As soon as they were lit and sparked to life I did what any smart person should do when threatened by a horrible thing: I slowly backed away and then I got the frick out of the room and hid in my bathroom until my dad told me it was safe to come out. Now I’ll admit that might have been an overreaction to something harmless, but it’s nothing like what I do when I’m around one of my other fears…

3. Midgets – Dwarfs, small people, little people…halflings. Whatever you want to call them, abnormally short people just freak me out. except rather than having a healthy respect for them and treating them like rabid predators read to explode anger all over me, I just hate seeing them. My reactions are always violent because most times they come out of no where and I almost step on them or they do something creepy that makes me want to both cry and kick them at the same time. Seeing a small person puts me on high and very paranoid alert. I’m convinced that where there is one, the rest of the Lollipop guild is close and they’re getting ready to do something awful and I need to get the frick out and I need to get out fast.

I can’t say why, but these are my top three and most uncontrollable fears. I’m also scared of heights, but I can deal with it. These fears bring out the absolute worst in me. The paranoia, the closed-minded bigotry…it all comes screaming to the forefront when I have to endure clowns, fireworks and midgets. Oh my. I’m sure there are some very good reasons why these fears have such a firm grip on me, but I’m also sure there is a very good reason why those reasons elude me. In the meantime, and while I avoid thinking about these things, what are some of your fears?

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