There are very few things in this world that I don’t put ketchup on: Fruit, veggies, spaghetti, bagels, ice cream and a few other things. Otherwise, everything else gets a good spattering of ketchup on it whenever I eat it. In fact, I love ketchup so much and use so much of it that I normally go through a large 1.5 litre bottle of the stuff a month. Sometimes more. Ketchup makes good food taste infinitely better and for the most part it makes bad food taste edible. Sadly, there are exceptions to every rule so this week Tops Thursday is dedicated to the top 5 foods that I’ve eaten that Ketchup can’t fix.
1. Tomato flavoured Kraft Dinner – As weird as this sounds, I actually don’t like tomato’s in their raw form. I love them in Ketchup, on Ketchup chips, in pasta and in chili, but on their own tomato’s are gross. And that ick factor transferred over to Tomato flavoured Kraft Dinner. When I was a kid and spending a weekend with my Aunt we wound up making box of this stuff and it was gross! Seriously, I must have had more Ketchup in my bowl of KD than actual KD and it still didn’t kill the icky tomato flavour.
2. Liver – there is nothing in this world that can make liver taste good except for old age. My parents and lots of other adults that I know love liver, but I still gag just thinking about the last time I had liver in my mouth. Yuck.
3. Sushi – I’ve tried sushi four times in my life and all of those times sushi made me want to puke, scrub my mouth out with corrosive acid, puke again and then burn my taste buds off to kill the horrendous taste. In fact, I think sushi is so gross that even though we were at one of the best Sushi places in Vancouver, I still spat my California roll out as soon as my friend put it into my mouth. Actually, I kind of just let it fall out of my mouth since I couldn’t even bring myself to close my mouth and attempt to chew this blasphemy to the idea of food. I simply kept my mouth open and stuck my tongue out to let the piece of sushi fall off it and onto the waiting table. My second attempt at sushi involved Ketchup liberally coating my piece of sushi and I still gagged over the awful taste and wanted to lick sand paper after I spat it out.
4. Egg salad – The fact that any and all egg salads smell like rotten eggs and dirty farts simply speaks to the fact that Ketchup can never fix this food.
5. Non-Louisiana Gumbo – I have had Gumbo twice in my life. Once was when I was a kid and spending a weekend with my Aunty and the other was when I was in New Orleans for my 22nd birthday. The first time I ever had Gumbo in my life was wrong. I remember the Ketchup bottle near my dish as I literally filled each spoonful with my gross Gumbo and Ketchup to try and make my uncles food taste good. Up until this point he had been one of the best cooks I’d ever known in my young life so I didn’t want not eat his food that he’d spent all day cooking…but this Gumbo was REALLY bad! Since then I’ve met a great friend who is from Louisiana and have gotten a thorough lecture on never eating Gumbo unless it’s made by someone born and bred in Louisiana because it won’t be good any other way. Apparently the best chefs in the world can’t make a good Gumbo unless they meet the simple standard of being born into a family with a good recipe. Which I believe because Gumbo was an orgasmic experience when I had it in New Orleans. I didn’t even have to put Ketchup on it…actually I couldn’t put Ketchup on it because the lady who made it wouldn’t let me have any unless I promised to eat it as is. So Gumbo is forgiven when I’m in Louisiana.
There you have it, the top 5 things that Ketchup can’t fix.